Not allowing the little things in life become big things is one of the most difficult things we will ever do.

Every time I wake up late.
Every rainy day.
Every bad test.
Every tear shed.


Are nothing compared to..........


Every laugh laughed.
Every song sung.
Every smile received.
Every prayer answered.

con⋅trol

 

–verb (used with object)

1.	to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.

2.	to hold in check; curb: to control a horse; to control one's emotions.

3.	to test or verify (a scientific experiment) by a parallel experiment or other standard of comparison.

4.	to eliminate or prevent the flourishing or spread of: to control a forest fire.

5.	Obsolete. to check or regulate (transactions), originally by means of a duplicate register.

–noun

6.	the act or power of controlling; regulation; domination or command: Who's in control here?

7.	the situation of being under the regulation, domination, or command of another: The car is out of control.

8.	check or restraint: Her anger is under control.

9.	a legal or official means of regulation or restraint: to institute wage and price controls.

10.	a standard of comparison in scientific experimentation.

11.	a person who acts as a check; controller.

12.	a device for regulating and guiding a machine, as a motor or airplane.

13.	controls, a coordinated arrangement of such devices.

14.	prevention of the flourishing or spread of something undesirable: rodent control.

Control is what I need to let go off.
I need to stop trying to dictate my own life and give it up to God.
My desperate need to control my life and my surrounding is getting in the way of me expanding my relationship with God.
It is exhausting to try and make everything in your life the way you want it.
Im tired of thinking of all of the things that would make my life perfect.
I want to start realizing that life is life....

the sweet beautiful mess that we are sorrowed with is life.
Life never goes away.
Life changes everyday starting with the different shades of the sun shine.

I want to stop being a prisoner of myself. A slave of control. I just want to live my lovely life.

Emotions are something I do not understand any more.
I never realized what a verbal person I am until I have no one to talk to.
I'm home sick.
I miss my mom.
I miss my little brother.
I miss my dad.
It's hard but God is teaching me so much.
I am growing so much in my faith.
Im learning things about myself that i never new.
Its going to be cold tomorrow.
I just want it to be warm for a little longer.
I wore a sun dress today cause I know that it might be the last time I get to for a while.
Today was a good day.
I am so blessed.
I just miss everything that I am used to and I have never been good at change.
God is pushing me.
He wants me to open myself up to the world.
A world that is so beautiful.
A world that I had my eyes closed to for a long time.

Shh...........

I can see the silents in your eyes.
Silents that is from cries that were never cried.

Silents will hold your hand when you are walking with God.
Silents will pull you astray when the devil holds you in his game for play.

Silents is your friend on a rest full night.
Silents is your foe when you do not have any insight.

Silents can teach you so much.
Silents can make you regress.

Silents can be your best friend.
Silents can be your worst enemy.

I can see the silents in your heart.
Silents that is pulling your soul apart.

Shh.........................................................................

My heart is clouded no longer
With the pain of blind love

I no longer see your face in my tears
You do not control even my smallest fears

My guilt has been erased
Like scar tissue I will never for get you

But I am ready for someone new
Something new

Something right
Something real

Something calm
Something clear

Something abstract
Something adorable

Something brilliant
Something beautiful

Something perfect
Something pure

Someone that i do not even expect
Someone that understands

Someone that loves God more than me


Someone............................................................


Just that perfect someone!

My eyes can not be seen through the white washed window pane.
I stand at that window day after day looking for someone that has been long gone.
Someone who's soul got washed away with the sand on the beach that day.
It has been so long since then and nothing has been the same since.
That's the day that all my childhood dreams floated away.

My eyes can not be seen through the white washed window pane.
I know you are looking and that you will never stop.
You are looking for those eyes that loved you with more longing then anything that you had ever seen before.
I was only seventeen and like every stereotype
I had no clue what love was.

My eyes can not be seen through the white washed window pane.
I stand at that window day after day looking for someone that has been long gone.

Im not really completely sure what i want to say.
Im not really completely sure if i need to say anything.
Im not really completely sure who i am anymore.
Im not really completely sure what i want to do tomorrow.
Im not really completely sure what i want to do next week.
Im not really completely sure i want to be.
Im not really completely sure if i want my hair long.
Im not really completely sure if i want my hair short.
Im not really completely sure if i want to grow up.
Im not really completely sure if i will be doing the same things a year from now.
Im not really completely sure if i will be going down the same path in 6 months.....







And you know what, thats ok!!!







I love life!!!
I love God!!!
I love my friends and family!!!
I love Ice Cream!!!
I love Peanut Butter!!!
I love sitting outside on summer nights!!!
I love feeling so free!!!
I love music!!!
I love coffee!!!
I love being me!!!
I love not knowing whats in store for me!!!
I love not knowing exactly whats going to happen!!!



Love,
ME

as i drove down the cracked pavement
the wild flowers spoke summer to me
as if i had never heard a word before
i could feel that it was going to be the perfect summer
and that there would be no time to waste
we all no how summer starts and ends
but no one really knows how we get there

Bitter/Sweet

I will have to say that is a bitter/sweet goodbye im happy that its summer and that i have successfully made it trough my freshmen year of college. Im happy that next year i will be in an apartment and not in the dorms but im said that this chapter in my life is over i will never be a college freshman again and it feels like it has been that longest/fastest experience that i have ever had in my life it seems like it has been such a long time since i first moved up to lubbock but at the same time it feels like it was yesterday. Lindsey is leaving and i know that it is for the best and im really happy for her that she is going to a&m but its still hard but i know that i can't count on her for everything and i know that she will always be there for me no matter what. I just feel like there are so many things that are done and that there are so many things that are left unfinished.....

Wide Open Spaces

Wide Open Spaces By The Dixie Chicks

Who doesn't know what I'm talking about
Who's never left home, who's never struck out
To find a dream and a life of their own
A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone

Many precede and many will follow
A young girl's dream no longer hollow
It takes the shape of a place out west
But what it holds for her, she hasn't yet guessed

[Chorus:]
She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

She traveled this road as a child
Wide eyed and grinning, she never tired
But now she won't be coming back with the rest
If these are life's lessons, she'll take this test

[Repeat Chorus]
She knows the high stakes

As her folks drive away, her dad yells, "Check the oil!"
Mom stares out the window and says, "I'm leaving my girl"
She said, "It didn't seem like that long ago"
When she stood there and let her own folks know

[Repeat Chorus]
She knows the highest stakes
She knows the highest stakes
She knows the highest stakes
She knows the highest stakes

I felt like these lyrics were fitting for my life right now with my first year of college ending, I can relate with this song a lot. I left home 9 months ago not knowing what to I came out west, well to west Texas that is, and I have changed a lot in those 9 months for the better. I do not feel like I have made any mistakes I know that i'm not perfect but I feel like everything is a learning experience. Yeah i changed my major but I do not think that coming into college as a theatre major was a mistake. Many people may think just up and changing yoexpect ur major would mean that having that major in the first place was a mistake but not for me it wasn't i learned so much from being in theatre this year and that biggest thing that i learned was that i need to stop letting it be my security blanket cause i dont need one. I have met people this year that i know i will be friends with forever that will be in my wedding and believe me that is saying a lot , if you know what kind of wedding i want. I miss home i feel like the 3 weeks between easter and now have been a life time and i just to be able to sleep in my own bed and wake up in the mournings and lay around the house and watch time and i dont think that is to much to ask for lol. I know that this summer is going to be a time for me to grow and i'm excited to see what that brings. I could never tell anyone why but i'm always happiest in the summer, not like i'm unhappy the rest of the year but summer is always just what i need. :)